Aspie Manifesto: Part Two

My reason for moving to Los Angeles was rather ironic: I felt the need for a change in my life. I wanted to move to a new city, a city far away from my friends and families, established networks and old comforts. I felt that I needed to do this because I felt comfortable yet stagnant in Atlanta. I had a girlfriend, good job, decent prospects of buying a home, active social life, and a desire to travel/explore. This latter desire overruled the other things I had, which made me desire to look outside Atlanta to continue in life. I spent 4 months looking for a new position, one which could bring me considerable professional and personal growth. It would also be a chance for a fresh start in life.

I had a choice between 3 job offers in Boston, Los Angeles, and DC. The 3 cities were enticing, and I knew I could only pick one. It was a tough choice at first, with me leaning first towards DC for its location, the role being that of a consultant, and its history. But gradually the offer at Capital Group in Los Angeles became more enticing and I decided to go over there. The opportunity to work as an engineer on a team with smart and driven people was valuable, especially with many of them coming from Amazon. I also liked the chance to get ahead in life, to feel new and whole again, to meet new people, and to be in a city with extensive spiritual and recreational opportunities, far more than Atlanta could offer. I decided to move to Los Angeles.

Within the first weekend, I seemed to be off to a great start; I secured an apartment in the area of Hollywood , hung out with my brother and his friend, and was starting to get the hang of the city. The strong, sunny weather appealed to me and made me feel energized. I also had an interesting side gig working on a friend’s startup, which promised to be a richly rewarding opportunity. The project started out strong at first, along with my career at Capital. I really enjoyed my time there and felt at home with all the people, who seemed down to earth and chill.

But what brought me down eventually was my social life and lack of time management skills. Socializing grew to become a priority, in a city where I was meeting a bunch of people but struggling to establish deeper bonds with them. The opportunities, from goat yoga to hot yoga to vinayasa yoga to partying to lectures to hiking in Griffith Park to touring art museums, were hard to pass up. Hence I postponed the critical work needed to advance my professional and intellectual life in favor of having fun, of short term pleasure. This led me to eventually lose track of needed chores and managing my life, revealing a deficit in my executive skills. I was just not able to find a balance with work and pleasure, causing important declines in these areas of my life. I was struggling to come up with an overall focus for my life, preferring instead to focus on short term pleasures and gains, filling my time with things that weren’t really serving me. And things that, although Baha’i related, were not serving me in my Baha’i life. I began to feel a disconnection from my true self.

This was magnified by the culture of Los Angeles that I have noticed, one that is individualist yet strongly hierarchical. There was a pressure to follow, to conform, to join a clique or remain independent yet isolated. People socialized to get ahead, not merely to have a good time. Otherwise they remained aloof and distant, superficially friendly but not wanting to establish closer ties. The Baha’i community became appealing at the time, but it was fairly cliquish and conformist. There was also an emphasis on being outgoing and artistic, socially savvy and competent, which did not fit my background at the time. There was also a split between Persians and non-Persians, along with a great deal of pressure to conform to the norms of the Persian community. The situation has improved over the course of this year, but there still remains a great deal of tension and difficulty.

I was initially averse to both of these options, but I decided to start changing myself, lose my self-confidence and backbone to fit in somewhat. To take my square peg and turn it into a rhombus, to fit a mostly circle hole. This was especially pronounced with the Baha’i community, where I felt the need to suppress my thoughts and sacrifice simple pleasures like going out or having fun alone in order to be of service to humanity. The actions were not strong enough, however, o fit in and by the end of the summer, I began feeling estranged from the Baha’i community in Los Angeles and other groups I had tried to befriend. I began to rebel, began to feel disillusioned with everything that was going on. I lost faith and was torn between individualism and conformity, between following my own preferences and desires vs conforming to external pressures and expectations(especially Baha’i). I knew I needed to follow a new path, one that conformed and resonated with me. I needed to embrace the Aspie identity that I once had done before, to go back to the positives that had once served me so well. The work ethic and focus, the strong interest and intensity needed to be a part of my life again.

But how does that square with the Baha’i ideal of service to humanity, of being a beacon of light in a world of darkness. I no longer see a path of service within the Baha’i community or within Baha’i endeavors, which didn’t really stir my soul or resonate with me as much. I decided to recommit myself to becoming an autism advocate, one who would fight to uplift the rights of people on the spectrum. I had to accept that I was different, that I was unique from the average person. And I received the necessary impetus from Greta Thunberg, a heroine who ignited a global climate strike movement. She was only 16, only a teenager at the time. She was diagnosed with selective mutism, a condition that normally makes it difficult to speak or articulate thoughts with most people. Yet when I heard her speak, I saw an intense focus and determination in her, one that had captivated millions of people. The same one that powered me to become a valedictorian, the same thing that made me launch a startup, and the same one that caused me to move to Los Angeles in the first place. I resolved to emulate her example, to use my own natural speaking and focus skills to become an advocate, a spiritual warrior dedicated to a greater cause.

This led to come up with an Aspie Manifesto, one that is especially focused on high-functioning individuals on the spectrum that merely lack social graces or awareness of arbitrary social norms. It is clear to me that financial and life independence for people on the spectrum is critical, nay vital for their wellbeing. Having a stable income and separate living place reduces tensions with family and friends, it gives the space for an Aspie to relax and recharge. It raises their soul and soothes their spirits.

The second tenet is direct yet loving challenge of social norms and conflicts we Aspies face. The pressure to conform, to put on a mask is strong in many places, but it was very considerable in the Baha’i community of Los Angeles I found myself in. We have to advocate for ourselves and the accommodations we need, especially for sensory deficits that we face. We also need to take time to just enjoy life, to really integrate our experiences and recharge for dealing with the world at different times. This allows for more productive, more harmonious experiences.

The third tenet is to never compromise the interests of the movement and to respect our boundaries. I have been in several predominately Aspie social circles and they have been beautiful. But it takes a great deal of awareness and sympathy to not upset or set off my fellow Aspies, who have different needs and sensory differences than me. I also expect the same respect and consideration from them, so that we may function well together.

The fourth tenet is to unite against discriminatory initiatives and programs that hold us back, One example is the ban on Aspies serving in the military, even in non-combat technical jobs that would absolutely suit them. This contrasts with the Israeli military, where Aspies are given technical jobs and career training to succeed after they have served their time. Another is the GNETS program in Georgia, which has been a horrible travesty and let down thousands of special needs students. Instead of giving them valuable educational opportunities, it is used to imprison and pass them along until they are 21, when they are left to their parents or to fend for themselves with limited services. And this leads me to my next point, increased funding for early childhood autism intervention. These programs are vital to ensure integration of people on the spectrum in society, so they can at least have prosperous, fulfilling lives where they are independent. Other programs to destigmatize autism in schools and in society, to at least foster sympathy and understanding for people on the spectrum and their families, who also suffer is clear. We need to axe the idea of refrigerator mothers(mothers who are perceived as not raising their kids right), and instead promote more compassion and nurturing. I also intend to promote neurodiversity within the Baha’i Faith, which has an excellent track record on racial and gender progress but could use more awareness of this topic among community leaders.

FInally, I have a set of 5 broad axes to which I want to base my life in the next decade. Here they are:

Coding/Tech development

Speaking

Writing

Personal development

Service/Leadership

I have identified these as 5 coherent areas that will focus my efforts and avoid my constant loss of focus or motivation to continue. Setting goals and achieving them will be my basic modus operandi, I will become relentlessly focused on them without neglecting my social connections. In fact, integrating both will help me fix the issue of being distracted by my social life and hobbies, by having a holistic model of life to live within. And finally, I pray to God that I can achieve all these things.